on one hand the humiliation is validating because it basically confirms that having runaway to south for 5 summers was not without reason. and other hand I’m confronted with the reality of my crazy… that I allowed the safety to reach perverse levels of isolation. that in my fierce attachment to my own preciousness I lost total control of my life. time didn’t heal it exacerbated. if I ever recover I’m gonna have to start all the way over because everything I was before today is a reminder of a potential lost. I want to forgive myself for everything I am not. I want to belong to me again.